“It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.” – J.K. Rowling
We all know that talk is cheap, and at the end of the day the words that we profess need to be supported by some type of action. Without that action, the words fall to the ground unfruitful. I also believe we know and understand that it is probably better to say nothing than to make promises we have no way to make real. But why do so many still choose to live their lives this way?
You know the ones that say a whole lot, have great intentions, yet zero follow through, especially when it can mean the most to a situation or individual. Now I consider myself a person who believes most people want to do the right thing and will honor their commitments, however I equally understand that many still will not, for whatever reason. And when I began to live my life with this understanding, I was able to release those that could break me, before they actually could.
Of course none of us can always get this right, but the more I am honest with myself and choose to listen to that gut instinct inside, I recognize who I am truly dealing with, I mean like who just showed up (at my figurative door) to engage with me, have that heart to heart talk or make peace with our past or present. I quickly realize whether they are making a conscientious choice to be truly transparent with me or if they are still simply pretending to be.
I have also learned that it is not my responsibility fix them, force them to be honest (even with themselves) or plead with them about their inability to be truthful. I can only deal with who showed up, not who I would have preferred to show up, because at the end of the day that is the truth I must accept and choose to deal with or not.
It is never our responsibility to change anyone. It requires way too much time and energy and it comes with no guarantee that the results will be favorable anyway. The better choice is we must deal with the circumstances as they present themselves and be willing to live in that moment, change ourselves to work with it or leave. Are there really any other options?
Sometimes I think we believe there are other options, (including present company) however after repeatedly hitting my head against walls of frustration believing somehow or someway things would work themselves out or something would change, they did not and I was left with disappointment and resentment, with only myself to blame.
I blamed myself because I was living in the mindset of what it could be, versus what it was. This illusion of what we want versus what we have must come into alignment. This is not to say that one day this ideal state cannot come into fruition, it is just we must acknowledge the reality (however painstaking it may be) of what we currently have.
Although the choice to deal with the issues of our realities may be difficult, this indeed is the journey towards living in truth and purpose. A purpose that has a means to an end because it not only accepts things as they are, but it allows the option of choice to enter in when a violation of one’s own purpose has occurred. We are no longer handicapped by someone else or victim to their own choice to be who they are, yet instead we give ourselves license to live in our own truth with the power to stay, leave or change.
When we fail to show up, whether in a personal or professional relationship, we inevitably limit and obscure our ability to stand for what we believe. We will always find ourselves living under someone else’s ideal of who we are and what we are supposed to become. Our voice is weakened and our disposition in life becomes counterproductive to a cause perhaps we once believed in or lived by.
Showing up is more than just being in the room. It is also more than just being loud, emotional or noticeably passionate. It is about believing is something to your core and taking a stand for it, despite the outcome. It is when we begin to live for things that even the threat of death, shame, embarrassment or ridicule cannot sway us. We have a voice, we have a purpose and we understand our truth and we are finally unapologetic about what it is. We are ready to show up.