“In every person you know, there is a person you don’t know.” – Unknown
Lately I have been thinking. Thinking about what and who I have allowed to enter my sacred space over the years. You know the place where you hold your most intimate thoughts, ideas, hopes and even fears you have only shared with a few in the world? A place that if it could be unraveled like the strands of thread on piece of clothing, would reveal who I really am no matter what I have declared to the world.
Only a few, if we are wise will ever have the opportunity to “know us” in this way. This special group is usually comprised of the ones we have grown up with, shared a life changing event with or have been drawn to by specific circumstances that forged a deep and trusting relationship over time.
However if you have not been wise, too many folks (family and friends) have become too familiar with our intimate business and have offered unsolicited advice, time and time again. This is not to say the advice was not well intentioned with a purpose to serve the greater good, but unfortunately “the others” never really have the full story and can only speak truth to what they have been led to understand or have been led to believe. Either way things can easily become skewed, therefore not very helpful when considering support is one of the primary goals of sharing the information in the first place.
So as I have gotten older and I believe wiser, I am putting into practice this very trait for myself and the ones in my inner circle of family and close friends. On one hand it is a measure of how delicate the details can be and how the actual information can impact or sway one’s mindset, and on the other hand it is a measure of my own faith about what I am facing. If I truly believe, why do I need the affirmation of someone else?
I think we can all attest how it feels to be down. Often times all we want is to feel better and I get that, but what can go south real quickly is the idea of feeling better and the steps we take to achieve that peace. The paths may not align. Friends and family that quickly come to our aid are usually for us, as they probably should be, however they often carry a bias that detracts from the truth that should be confronted. These truths typically do not cause us to feel better, at least initially, but nonetheless they are essential for a fully transformative process.
This process, often referred to as the dark night of the soul is a tough season where all outside noise is finally silenced. Not necessarily because people have ceased to speak, but because we make the choice to stop listening. It is a time when we have made the decision to confront ourselves and the choices we have made. The 10, 80 or 99.9 percent of the story that belongs to us alone. Not our dysfunctional parents, poor education, bad marriage(s), disgruntled boyfriends or girlfriends, ungrateful children, broken neighborhoods, unsuccessful businesses, abusive relatives or a host of intolerable bosses. It is us on the figurative island dealing with our business alone with integrity, courage, honesty and only seeking to grow and become a better version of ourselves.
After this season has went its course, perhaps months or even years later, out of the figurative ashes arises a new man or woman. One who is still imperfect, yet beautiful, patient and full of gratefulness and long suffering. No longer looking to be understood or validated by others. One who has the type of courage to swear to their own hurt and follow through.
It’s like a type of death that brings forth new life. A new life that allows us to appreciate and see with a new set of lenses. Lenses that see past what once tripped us up so easily and so quickly. Lenses that give us the ability to rise above circumstances that we never thought we could. Lenses that cause us to see past words simply spoken, and places us at the heart of intention. The place where real truth and love dwells.