”The two most important days in your life are the day you were born…and the day you find out why.” – Mark Twain
I remember as kid how I would play for hours with my friends and family. Not a care in the world it seemed. We created makeshift instruments of play, like cardboard sleds that allowed us to conquer almost any hill. A bit risky yes, and we definitely had our share of cuts, bruises and visits to the emergency room.
Even so, we would do it again and again daily, for a few virtuous reasons. It was fun, it made us laugh and nothing was more important, at least during the moment. Life was simple. We cried when we were sad and our smiles revealed our truest hearts when we were happy. For a good while we seemed to be shielded from the realities of a cold and complicated life.
That is until we became older, (seemingly) smarter, and more aware of who we were supposed to be. To ourselves and more notably, to the many others we were trying to emulate or make proud.
Life became much harder, and that child-like faith and curiosity I once had began to fade. It was like growing up included a fun kill switch. Who was I suppose to be and why was I suppose to be him? It’s a question that plagued my head for many decades, until I begin to realize “him” was not me.
The “me” was still curious, hopeful, honest to a fault, loving, playful, caring, sincere, a risk taker and moved by passion and conviction. The “him” (if you will) was suspicious, doubtful, skeptical, somewhat disingenuous and preoccupied with “other stuff” that didn’t matter.
It became an enraging battle within. One idea and concept against the other for decades. Some days “me” would win, while most days deferred to “him”. So I settled. Settled that this was to be my life and the life I was suppose to live. It was like the “fake it until you make it” concept, except I wasn’t sure what making it was going to look like or if it was even possible to capture anymore.
Perhaps this all sounds strange or weird to you. Perhaps I am a little strange and weird, but that’s okay. I can accept that. What I cannot accept is living a lie. Living a life that does not portray and exemplify my truest heart.
That is why I begin this blog almost 4 years ago. It’s a journey that depicts my steps and brings them to light. Good, bad or indifferent, they are here for the world to read, however for me each post is not about the greater world around me, but me living in it, doing my best to become a better human being.
Just recently I took a solo trip that allowed me to reconnect to my truest heart. The spirit of “me”. The one that became overshadowed by life’s drama and baggage. The poor choices I made, divorces I went through, and a host of other failures that had found a way to dim my bright light.
Many things came to light in the stillness of my days and nights while away, but one thing became crystal clear that will continue to carry me through. That is, I am here now. Here living my best life. I am far from perfect, however I am perfect in the eyes of God and pressing towards a better future for all that I can impact, even as my naysayers say differently.
How about you? Is your heart pure before you, before anyone else? Do you still battle within, with who you are suppose to be? Do you remember “you” as a kid? Is he or she still speaking to you? What are they saying to you? Think about it for a moment before you quickly dismiss it as irrelevant or nonsensical. Living with our truest heart is all that really matters. Anything else is not worth the effort, and will only make you sad.