When My Fear Becomes Larger than My Faith

“If you want something you never had, you have to to do something you’ve never done.” – Unknown 

At some point in our lives we all come to a crossroad that will test the raw level of our faith versus our fear. No matter what eloquent words we conveniently contrive, that attempt to dismiss the existence of our fears, fear nonetheless exists. We will reach for words from the very best places within us that declare with a loud voice how we would respond or conduct ourselves in any given situation. Ideas that indeed come from the heart, yet lack the essence of a real life test, therefore can only be relegated to a hopeful notion.

In the infamous phrase of, “nothing beats a failure like a try”, the proof of what we are made of really lies in the midst of what we do when we’re faced with adversity. The type of adversity that defies the safety of traditions, the comfort of close friends, the security of wealth and the religious beliefs that only lived on the surface of what we arrogantly proclaimed as truth. 

I know we all want to believe how we would respond during a tragic moment or season in our lives, but the truth is we don’t know. We can only speculate and hope we are close to being accurate, however I have learned it is not the accuracy that matters in these life circumstances, but our decision to acquiesce. 

If one has lived their entire life believing their faith was larger than their fear, only to discover it was not, it should become a humbling moment, and more importantly an opportunity to grow and discover what you are truly made of. Perhaps you learn your word is only as good as you understand the facts, or you actually run, hide and deny in the thick of fear. The discovery will quite possibly feel like a disappointment, yet in its midst lies the keys for a much richer life. 

A life, if accepted will bring you to a place where it becomes second nature to confess your faults versus defending poor decisions. A life that not only accepts imperfections as a part of your ministry to the world, but embraces them as an essential component to sustainable success, authentic joy and transformative freedom. 

An although fear no longer dominates my daily steps, it nonetheless is present. I am reminded everyday of what brings me joy and certainly of what I am afraid of losing, yet I realized that my ability to clasp on to what I want to remain in my life is not the answer. It is my choice to release it and trust it will be there, if it should be, because my clasp will only destroy it. 

So when you’re restful slumber becomes filled with angst and unquenchable thoughts of doubt, consider where your faith lies versus your fear. They will always both exist, yet the one that has the most power and influence actually depends on us. 

In the midst of my greatest fears, I still dared to step out. I still believed there was more life for me to live, and love for me to experience, even after two divorces. And although I had no idea what that would look like, I trusted it could be better. Not because someone owed me something or because I was a such a good person, (because I wasn’t) but simply because my faith became larger than my fear, and I took the leap. Life has never been the same.

Keep Pressing,

Hank G 

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