”I can say with great certainty and absolute honesty that I did not know what love was until I knew what love was not.- P.T. Berkey
“I can’t call it.” A term often used in my community growing up amongst family and acquaintances. We were living the best we knew how, but we were often unsure about what tomorrow or even what the next hour could bring.
So many situations, so many circumstances plaguing life and the community. So many things to consider, so the term that fit best about what was going on was, “I can’t call it,” because we really didn’t know what was next.
About 40 years later, not much has changed. We still live in a world of many unknowns. From what I see happening around the world, to the very community I live in today. There is uncertainty, at times unrest, and a feeling of discomfort infiltrating our minds and thoughts. It impacts the impoverished as well as the affluent neighborhoods.
Even for me lately I’ve felt this “something” I can’t call what it is exactly, but my sleep has changed to a degree. I find myself waking up at night thinking about EVERYTHING. From work, family to what’s going on in the world.
Overall, I know that I am incredibly blessed and have all that I need everyday. I literally can’t complain about one thing. My life is not perfect, but what I face each day (during this season) is nothing no one else has ever faced. So I won’t complain. I just know that at the end of the day, I really don’t know.
I have trust in God about what tomorrow brings, and with that – there is nothing else except my will to struggle with what I don’t understand or accept. I am here today, attempting to live my best life, while working out my issues and aspects I don’t understand. Sometimes I do great, while on other days I fall really hard.
Seldom do things work out as I planned them. This works in my favor at times, and at times not. It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t plan, because honestly it’s in my DNA to do it, but I also understand that my plan is just that, my plan. Therefore it may or may not come into fruition.
Quite possibly this may sound like a bunch of rambling, and maybe it is. My point is life happens…everyday. And although who we are and what we do matters, we must never forget that we’re also a part of larger plan, a grander purpose and an expanded world.
One that includes us, needs us and impacts us, sometimes harshly or unjustly, but always real. However we must never give up on our dreams to be free, live authentically and with distinct purpose. Anything less is fraudulent to our souls.
So what I know for sure, is I don’t really know a lot at all. I am here today to give my best, and some days I don’t for many reasons. I get up the next day, or maybe the day after that, and give it another try. I press on and live. I sigh of relief and sometimes of grief, but I don’t stop living and I don’t entertain those that attempt to judge me. Life is too short for that.
Not knowing is not releasing our power, but gaining some I think. Because once we understand that we really don’t know what wil happen next, and we finally quit struggling to will something to occur that just won’t, we can begin to live the life we’re supposed to live, versus trying to shape or control someone elses.
Everything will come in the time it needs to be there, and even if it’s not on our timing, trust it will be just what you need and when you need it.