“When I’m at my best, I am my children’s father.” – Unknown
Life is full of moments. Some we capture in their full essence, while others we miss like an early school bus. As I grow older and hopefully wiser, moments have taken on a whole new meaning. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and recognize I have fewer moments left to experience, or it’s simply owning the fact that I have missed so many other moments that what I have left mean more, and I want to see and breath them in. Yep, that’s it.
Last week I had a moment, a monumental moment to be exact. My son graduated from high school and my youngest daughter promoted to high school. It kind of brings things into full circle, especially as a father divorced from my children’s biological mother.
These are moments that prove what work you have done, or have not. What effort you have put forth. What sacrifices you have made to fill the gaps that exists when things like divorce happen. What matters more, being a father/daddy or fighting over differences with an ex-wife? My decision was made a long time ago. My children have always mattered more than my convenience of being right or expressing an argument.
Last week when I sat at the promotion for my daughter with my ex, and exchanged conversations like a family, it reminded me of the moment. The moment when I had the choice to stay angry and bitter, or allow our lives to grow and live for the betterment of our children’s well being.
That well being was evident and fully stated as my two children walked across the aisle with one thing mind. “I am here, and I celebrate me.” No strings attached about dad or mom, no issues about who’s resentful. Just a family, albeit altered, yet still family nonetheless.
I had my moment and I am happy and proud of all the accomplishments. The accomplishments of children promoting and graduating, and me living at peace as a divorced parent.
I understand that this is not the norm (or perhaps it is now), but we made the choice that it would be, for our lives, our family. It was a choice and remains just that. It takes both of us to see the greater good, which ultimately is the well being of our children. And words aren’t enough to make that happen. It requires a commitment that is challenged throughout the years, and is consistently tested.
The proof in passing that test resembles the peace that transcends in the life of your children. While they’re experiencing their own moment, that truth will be exposed for what it is. Our answers, at least some of them lie there.
I’m a daddy, a father that doesn’t have the ideal family structure, but I don’t just live with it and accept it, I truly have made the best of a bad situation. I don’t seek accolades for what I’m suppose to be doing. My accolades come in the form of my children’s successes. Every one of them, and I am proud of who they are becoming, and I realize that has a lot to do with who I am in their lives.
So dads, let’s get this. Let’s be about our children in every circumstance we face. Their lives depend on it.